The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly—as in habits

Parent: What is a habit?

Dr. B: Since we only have a minute, let’s just call it something we do regularly that no longer requires much thought or planning.

Parent: Like smoking, drinking, gaming and eating chocolate?

Dr. B: Ha. Are those habits you are familiar with?

Parent: Anybody ever tell you that you have a bad habit of …

Dr. B: Focus.

Parent: How do I get my kids to develop good habits?

Dr. B: Let’s start with a habit ‘you’ want to acquire.

Parent: If you say so. Riding my stationary bike an hour-a-day.

Dr. B: Ok. Starting a new habit is easier when you sandwich it with enjoyable activities or preexisting good habits.

Parent: Like mixing my peas with my mashed potatoes and gravy.

Dr. B: Now I know why you need to ride the bike everyday.

Parent: So what’s the plan?

Dr. B: I enjoy reading, so I read while I’m on the bike. Do you like to watch Netflix?

Parent: Who doesn’t? Now, how about helping my kids develop good habits.

Dr. B: Start early. From Day One, everyone in our family was expected to put their plate in the dishwasher after the meal.

Parent: That’s a good one.

Dr. B: Except when my three-year-old son left the table in the Chinese restaurant and headed for the kitchen with his plate.

Parent: Ha. How did that work out?

Dr. B: Two offers to adopt him.

Parent: Starting young is no longer an option in our house. What am I supposed to do? Make them peddle a bike to power their video games?

Dr. B: Great idea! That would be linking a new habit with something they already enjoy.

Parent: Like finishing their homework before playing video games?

Dr. B: You’re on a roll! You already know the routine.

Parent: How about developing the habit of doing chores?

Dr. B: First of all, quit calling them chores.

Parent: Huh?

Dr. B: Instead of assigning ‘chores’ they ‘have’ to do, call them ‘shared responsibilities’ for the house that everyone does together on Saturday morning before going out for pancakes.

Parent: So we are repackaging chores as shared family responsibilities?

Dr. B: With a pancake kicker.

Author: ahbtest

Dr. Beitel has decades of experience as a therapist, teacher and parent since earning his Ph.D. from the University of Illinois. As a member of the University of Illinois medical school faculty, Dr. Beitel supervises psychiatry residents in training. He is married to "the other Dr. Beitel", a family physician. He and Joyce have two grown children.

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