CPA Book – Childproofing for Adolescence

Learning to Play an Instrument

Dr. B: How did your gig go last night?

Parent: People seemed to like it.

Dr. B: And you? How’d you feel about it?

Parent: All I can remember are the spots where I screwed up.

Dr. B: Are you being a little too hard on yourself? You said folks enjoyed it.

Parent: I practiced a lot for that gig. I shouldn’t have made any of those mistakes.

Dr. B: Really?

Parent: And they were the same mistakes I kept making when I practiced.

Dr. B: That’s interesting.

Parent: My suffering is always interesting to you.

Dr. B: That’s not … always true.

Parent: It’s like I’ve permanently learned these pieces with the mistakes built in.

Dr. B: That’s not good.

Parent: I know you aren’t a musician, but I’m desperate.

Dr. B: Coming to me for music advice is kind of …

Parent: What do you suggest?

Dr. B: There’s this book I read called ‘The Talent Code’.

Parent: Ok?

Dr. B: And it talked about good practice and less good practice.

Parent: My practicing sucks?

Dr. B: Well, there was an example of a kid learning a musical piece. She practiced the piece she was learning, but stopped immediately at the point of a mistake.

Parent: I’d never finish a piece if I did that.

Dr. B: Let ME finish.

Parent: Go on, master.

Dr. B: That’s more like it. She stopped at the point of making a mistake, listened to the piece correctly in her head, and then practiced that particular little section until she had mastered it.

Parent: So, she didn’t go on until that part of the piece was learned the right way?

Dr. B: Exactly.

Parent: That really works?

Dr. B: The author said, “you get three times the value out of that kind of practice”.

Parent: Guess it makes sense. Kind of like stopping to fix the flat before continuing to drive.

Dr. B: A flat?

Parent: Sharp example don’t you think?

Dr. B: Ugh!

I Hate Math

Dr. B: What did you like and dislike most about school?

Parent: I liked my friends and I hated math.

Dr. B: Still friends with those folks?

Parent: Absolutely.

Dr. B: Still hate math?

Parent: Absolutely.

Dr. B: Why do you hate math?

Parent: I’m just not good at it.

Dr. B: Like math anxiety?

Parent: No. I just suck at math.

Dr. B: Wow! Were you born that way?

Parent: Yeah.

Dr. B: Brown eyes. Left-handed. And suck at math.

Parent: How did you know I was left-handed? But yeah, born that way.

Dr. B: Do your kids hate math too?

Parent: Yeah.

Dr. B: So, it runs in the family?

Parent: What are you getting at?

Dr. B: Math ability isn’t something you just have or don’t have.

Parent: Well, for some reason, I don’t have.

Dr. B: Did your math teachers expect everyone to keep up?

Parent: Yep.

Dr. B: So half the class was bored and half the class was lost?

Parent: All the time.

Dr. B: What?

Parent: I always hit a wall by October and could never recover.

Dr. B: Hit a brick wall instead of building one.

Parent: Huh?

Dr. B: Math is like building a brick wall. The first brick needs to be securely in place before the next one is laid on top of it.

Parent: Like crawling before walking before running?

Dr. B: Couldn’t have said it any better.

Parent: So … why do I still suck at math?

Dr. B: Too many loose bricks in your wall, maybe?

Parent: Huh?

Dr. B: If you carefully master one concept before you move to the next, math won’t be difficult.

Parent: I’m not starting over now. I’ve got a calculator for everything I need.

Dr. B: So you want to stay stuck and suck?

Parent: Tear down the wall and start over?

Dr. B: Well, I was hoping you’d want to keep your kids from sucking too.

Parent: Ooh. Here comes the parental guilt trip. So now it’s my fault if I don’t do something about it?

Dr. B: You’re the one who used the word guilt.

Parent: What do you suggest? I know you have a suggestion.

Dr. B: Thanks for asking. Go to KhanAcademy.org and

Parent: And what?

Dr. B: And stop the “I suck at math Syndrome” that’s plaguing your family.

Think Goldilocks

Dr. B: Remember the story of Goldilocks?

Parent: You mean the overly entitled kid who was breaking into houses instead of going to school?

Dr. B: I’ll bet you put the Grimm back in Fairy Tales.

Parent: Of course I remember Goldilocks. What’s your point?

Dr. B: Goldilocks has much to teach us about parenting.

Parent: As in know where your kid is and who they are with?

Dr. B: No, that’s Little Red Riding Hood.

Parent: I get those two mixed up.

Dr. B: Remember how Goldilocks avoided too hot and too cold?

Parent: Yeah – she always had to have everything – “just right”.

Dr. B: You just won’t let up on this kid will you? She’s fictional.

Parent: I used to date someone like that.

Dr. B: Oh. I see. That would take more than a minute, wouldn’t it?

Parent: Yeah. So, why am I supposed to remember Goldilocks?

Dr. B: She reminds us that we need to help our kids stay in the zone.

Parent: The Zone of Entitlement?

Dr. B: No. Where things are not too easy, nor too hard.

Parent: Just …

Dr. B: Just challenging.

Parent: Like riding a bike instead of a tricycle or a unicycle.

Dr. B: Not exactly the metaphor I usually reach for, but it works.

Parent: It is just common sense. Stay in a zone that’s challenging, but not overwhelming.

Dr. B: Yeah.

Parent: Sort of like a two-wheeler with training wheels?

Dr. B: Exactly. Training wheels until all they need is you running along beside them.

Parent: I get it. You want me to keep using this Goldilocks Zone approach with my kids, where things are challenging, but can be taken on with support, which can eventually be withdrawn as they master the challenge.

Dr. B: Whose “Got a Minute” lecture is this?

Parent: You were running overtime. I figured you needed a little support to finish on time.

Dr. B: Thanks. I think.