Think back to when you were in middle school or high school. Can you think of something you did that you would prefer to simply remain a secret? Something you did that your best friend doesn’t even know about? Now are we getting somewhere? (It may not even be something you are ashamed of, but rather something you deeply regret not pursuing.)
You do not have to write this down. Heaven forbid you would leave some incriminating evidence around. Take five minutes, close your eyes, and replay what happened. I’ll bet it brings back some feelings. Don’t let those get too far away.
The first question for you is this: Would you do this “activity” again if you had the chance? Or, would you do things differently? Why? What would you think if your child did the same thing?
From the safe perch of adulthood looking backward, do you have any new insights about why you chose to do what you did? You say it wasn’t exactly a choice? Explain!
Consider the developmental competencies we have been reviewing. Were there one or two of them you wished you had a little more fully developed around that time? How would that have made a difference? Any idea of how that could have occurred in a more timely fashion? Or, did you just need to learn from your mistakes? If so, you are not thinking of the right story!
What do you think led you to do what you did? Was it somehow functional at the time, even though it may not make sense now? Why do you think it was so important at the time? Was it meeting a need you could not manage in a more effective way?
Well, enough of this recovering lost memories. My point is a simple one. We have all done things we regret. But if we think long and hard about why we did them, we may find some purposes they were serving.
If you consider the developmental goals I have described, perhaps this incident from your past gives you a little more incentive to consider the value of a proactive approach to development.
Armed with one of those competencies more fully developed, how would your story have played out differently?