Your Turn: Regrettable compromises
I know this may be painful for you, but stick with the memories from Middle School. Can you think of something you did or suffered that was part of the struggle to fit in and feel adequate? A simple one might have involved throwing away a favorite shirt because a boy told you, “You look like a girl (when you wear that shirt).” Or maybe you failed to speak up when your ‘friends’ were spreading malicious gossip about a girl who used to be a good friend in grade school?
Do your regrettable memories have a pattern to them? I know mine do. One pattern is the compromises made in one important area to bolster another. In other words, compromising Self to Fit In, or avoiding activities because they made me feel inadequate. The challenges of Fitting In and Feeling Adequate are variations on the Self and Relatedness Bind. Developmentally well prepared, we can do justice to both. Unprepared, we are making compromises in one to preserve the other.