Raise Your Parenting AQ – Conclusions
Summary Statements from Ch’s 1-9:
All behavior occurs for good reason.
Extreme behavior exists to manage some unbearable emotion.
Emotion exists as the result of some underlying issue.
The two fundamental goals of child development are: developing a self and creating connections to others.
The two goals can create developmental binds when they compete with each other.
We maintain closeness to our children via our understanding and support for their need to develop independent selves.
Parental attunement is an awareness of the child’s developmental goals, capabilities, interests and temperament.
Our children learn empathy and respect from the way we treat them.
Mastery and self-reliance are the bases for self-esteem.
Mastery is only achieved through sustained effort and tolerance for anxiety and frustration.
Failures must become sources of learning, not reasons for avoidance.
Emotional competence means a child understands what he feels and why and can make good use of that understanding.
Without our involvement, children tend to misinterpret invents and often blame themselves.
We help our children consider multiple parts of their lives simultaneously.
Giving children responsibility promotes growth.
Demonstrating competencies and taking on responsibilities earn freedoms and privileges.
The process of negotiating limits helps children feel listened to, respected and empowered.
If we fail to understand our own psychological issues, we will limit our children’s healthy growth.
In the end, healthy development means our children can say:
I can handle it
I know what is right for me
I take responsibility
I know what I feel and why and what to do about it
I take responsibility
I can create satisfying relationships
I care how you think and feel