Parent – So when I catch my kid blaming instead of taking responsibility, I’m supposed to jump all over that?
Dr. B – But do it with a little less Rambo and a little more Fred Rogers.
Parent – But I’m supposed to seize the opportunity. Right?
Dr. B – You make it sound like I’m teaching The Art of War.
Parent – Well, sometimes there’s little difference between being a good general and being a good parent.
Dr. B – Ok, Sun Tsu. You’ll have to take a minute sometime to develop that idea for me. But for now, I want you to understand the broader theme of development we are trying to promote.
Parent – Oh, here we go again with the philosophizing.
Dr. B – Whatever. Healthy development is a process of moving from external control to internal control.
Parent – External bad. Internal good. Got it.
Dr. B – We want to be on the look out for external solutions to internal problems.
Parent – Is that another one of your maxims?
Dr. B – Were you a difficult child growing up?
Parent – You been talking to my mother? Let’s get back to blaming.
Dr. B – Feeling bad is an internal problem. Blaming is an external solution to feeling bad.
Parent – So what am I supposed to do, when I do my Fred Rogers thing?
Dr. B – You want your child to figure out what feeling they were trying to escape and why.
Parent – And then?
Dr. B – Ultimately we want them to learn to tolerate feelings while they figure out solutions for what caused them.
Parent – Blaming is a heck of a lot easier.
Dr. B – Yep.
Parent – So, I’m embracing my inner Fred Rogers while I block their exits.
Dr. B – Ha. Hold on while I write that down.
