Parent: Did your kids treat you like an ATM machine?
Dr. B: What do you mean?
Parent: You know, always asking for more and more. They are never satisfied.
Dr. B: That sounds draining.
Parent: It is. I just want to hang out a sign that says, “Out of service”.
Dr. B: That’s sad.
Parent: Yeah. Some days it’s easier to just give them what they want.
Dr. B: Give me an example of the never satisfied.
Parent: You name it. I can’t take either of them to the grocery store without it being, “buy me this or buy me that”.
Dr. B: What expectations do you have when you go into a store?
Parent: I don’t know what you mean.
Dr. B: Well, do your kids know the purpose of the trip, what you are there to buy, and who has what responsibility …
Parent: What do you mean responsibility?
Dr. B: Most kids want to be helpful and feel valued. Do you give them part of your list to search out?
Parent: What did you have to pay your kids for doing that?
Dr. B: Nothing. They loved helping. Plus, it was like a scavenger hunt.
Parent: That sounds great, but my youngest can’t be left alone.
Dr. B: Does your youngest know what good store behavior is?
Parent: Besides, “don’t grab and don’t beg”?
Dr. B: I guess that works. I used to give my daughter a quarter to hold. I told her if she followed the rules, she could pick whatever she wanted that cost 25 cents at checkout.
Parent: Does anything still cost 25 cents?
Dr. B: Do you get the point?
Parent: Yeah. The quarter reminds her of what she can get and the need to use self-control.
Dr. B: I guess that’s a pretty good summary.
Parent: Did you ever take the quarter away?
Dr. B: Oh, sure. And to the loudest of howls.
Parent: How did you handle that?
Dr. B: Handle what?
Parent: The howling. Weren’t you embarrassed?
Dr. B: If you can’t set limits in public because you are afraid of making a scene, then your kids will know you can be coerced.
Parent: What do you do with the busy bodies that try to tell you what to do?
Dr. B: I tell them that the earplugs are on aisle six.
Parent: So, you just tolerate the shrieks every time you go?
Dr. B: If my rules and limits are clear and I follow through with them, the kids learn quickly what is expected of them.
Parent: And if they don’t?
Dr. B: Then they lose the privilege of going with and they see their sibling come home with the “good kid” loot.
Parent: Sounds rather Machiavellian.
Dr. B: Actually, it’s more Sun Tzu.
