Parent: My kids are always fighting over something.
Dr. B: Really?
Parent: They are always at each other and usually end up dragging both of us in.
Dr. B: In?
Parent: In. As in stop the fight, solve the problem, decide who was right …
Dr. B: I can see why you are frustrated.
Parent: So. How do I solve this?
Dr. B: Let’s see if I can help you help your children solve their own problems.
Parent: Huh?
Dr. B: Remember my old adage? Keep the conflict …
Parent: In the child. Yeah. Yeah. Easier said than done.
Dr. B: What do they fight about the most?
Parent: Whose turn it is on the video game.
Dr. B: Remember the “How to talk to kids” book I gave you?
Parent: Yeah. Something about empathy and understanding?
Dr. B: Exactly. The parent summarizes each child’s concerns and empathizes with how they are feeling, while their sib listens in. Then they are told to work it out.
Parent: What about the video game?
Dr. B: No access until they present a plan.
Parent: You make it sound easy.
Dr. B: It will take some practice on everyone’s part.
Parent: So the key is holding on to the video game until they work it out?
Dr. B: I think the key is seeing how useful empathy and understanding are for deescalating conflict and opening the door to problem solving.
Parent: And losing the game controller.
