Dr. B: So. How are the video game wars going? Did you make any progress?
Parent: Depends on whom you ask.
Dr. B: Oh, oh. Tell me what happened.
Parent: Well, when I tried the understanding summary technique, they kept at it until I lost it.
Dr. B: What happened?
Parent: I sent each of them to time out. I put the video game in time out.
Dr. B: And?
Parent: My wife put me in time out until I reread the “How to Listen” book.
Dr. B: Ha. Did it help?
Parent: I think so.
Dr. B: Did you get any ideas on how to handle the video game wars?
Parent: The book has a basic strategy. Make each kid feel understood and empathized with.
Dr. B: While the other kid observes.
Parent: Yeah. Then tell them you trust that they can figure out a solution.
Dr. B: So, what are you doing differently?
Parent: I think I am getting better at the empathy and understanding piece.
Dr. B: That’s great. How are you doing that?
Parent: Basically, by asking my kids whether I got it right or missed something.
Dr. B: That’s great.
Parent: I think I’m getting better at reading them. Their expressions kind of tell me whether I got it right or not.
Dr. B: Oh, good for you. You sound much more tuned in.
Parent: Thanks.
Dr. B: By the way, those same authors wrote a book called Siblings Without Rivalry.
Parent: Is it fiction?
How to talk so kids will listen, and listen so kids will talk.
By Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish.
