This vignette is an example of promoting growth by keeping the conflict in the child. This child, like all other kids, wants a later bedtime. Rather than setting an arbitrary rule …
Child: We can’t stop now. This is the exciting part.
Parent: It sure is. I can’t wait to read more tomorrow.
Child: But I was ready for bed on time.
Parent: Yes you were. That gave us lots of time to read.
Child: But we can’t stop in the middle.
Parent: I know you are frustrated. It’s time to say, “Goodnight”.
Child: It’s not fair. I’m not even sleepy.
Parent: Give me a hug goodnight.
Child: I’m old enough for a later bedtime.
Parent: We can discuss that tomorrow. Goodnight.
The parent bends over and gives the child a hug and leaves, despite the protests.
The next evening.
Parent: I can’t wait to find out what happens next (in our book).
Child: I deserve a later bedtime.
P: Hmm. We can discuss that, but tonight it is still the usual, 8:30.
Child: I know, but it needs to change.
Parent: So, between now and 8:30, do you want to talk about the bedtime or do you want to read the story?
Child: I want to talk about the bedtime.
Parent: Ok. Why do you think you deserve a later bedtime.
Child: I’m old enough.
Parent: You are getting older by the day.
Child: Seriously. Jami gets to stay up to 9. We’re the same age.
Parent: Different house, different rules. Why do you deserve a later bedtime?
Child: Because I’m more grown up.
Parent: You have a bedtime so you get enough sleep so you aren’t tired the next day.
Child: I won’t be tired if it’s 9 o’clock.
Parent: If I have to wake you in the morning that must mean you need that much sleep.
Child: No it doesn’t. Let me prove it.
Parent: How are you going to do that?
Child: Let’s try it at 9 o’clock and I’ll show you I’m not tired.
Parent: Hmmm. Nice try, my young lawyer. Here’s a good test. If you get yourself up in the morning without us waking you, you get your school bag packed, and you meet the bus on time, then we’ll move the time to 8:45.
Child: Good. I can do that easy.
Parent: For ten days straight. You can mark it on the calendar.
Child: What if I mess up?
Parent: No worries. As soon as you do ten days straight, we’ll know you are ready for a later bedtime.
Child: Ok. Now let’s finish our story.
Parent: What time is it?
Child: Oh. Mom. Can I go to Jami’s for a sleep over?
Parent: Ha. Sure. If you are invited by her mom.
