Parent: What’s with this “Analyze Before You Act” mantra of yours?
Dr. B: You sound frustrated.
Parent: All you do is harp on thinking, but never give any good advice about acting.
Dr. B: Ouch! You would prefer a Parenting Cookbook with some ready to serve recipes?
Parent: Yeah.
Dr. B: Actually, “Analyze Before You Act” is kind of a good universal parenting recipe.
Parent: How do you mean?
Dr. B: Have your kids ever made you mad enough that you punished them right on the spot?
Parent: Sure. Who hasn’t?
Dr. B: Have you ever regretted the choice or intensity of punishment?
Parent: Well …
Dr. B: Better question. Has your spouse ever questioned your choice of punishment?
Parent: Alright. What’s your point?
Dr. B: Actually, I have two points.
Parent: Of course you do.
Dr. B: Sometimes we say or do something before we have taken the time to analyze the situation. That’s our fast-thinking brain taking control. It’s our emotional brain.
Parent: You don’t stop to analyze before getting out of the way of on-coming traffic.
Dr. B: Of course not.
Parent: What’s your second point? I’m starting to feel the paralysis of your analysis.
Dr. B: All behavior, no matter how screwy, is functional.
Parent: Like when my son hits his sister?
Dr. B: Yeah.
Parent: Now that’s some screwy analysis.
Dr. B: I like to assume that even the screwiest behavior must have had a reason and I need to understand it before responding.
Parent: As opposed to, “If you hit your sister, you can expect to get punished”?
Dr. B: But wouldn’t you want him to know what was so upsetting that he chose to hit her and how he might have handled it differently?
Parent: Yeah. After I punish him.
Dr. B: Ok. Think of it this way. Asking your son to analyze why he hit his sister is a form of punishment. Does that make you feel better?
Parent: Did you think before saying that?
Dr. B: Ahhhhh …
Parent: I’m just messing with you. You want me to help my son understand what was so emotionally intolerable that he chose to hit his sister.
Dr. B: Ah. Well said.
Parent: And then punish him.
Dr. B: Geez. I was hoping I could convince you to get your slow thinking, rational brain involved in problem solving, but …
Parent: Don’t say something you’ll regret later.
Dr. B: Does any of the “Analyze Before You Act” make sense?
Parent: Yeah. You’re telling me to quit acting like a caveman.
Dr. B: Uggh …
Parent: Asking my child to analyze why he did something promotes reasoning which can help control impulsive behavior.
Dr. B: So you were listening.
