Dr. B – What have you figured out about your son’s coasting in school?
Parent A – Well, I have some guesses, but no answers.
Dr. B – What are your guesses?
Parent A – We did the week-long experiment of no screens. That seemed to show me that video games were not the CAUSE of him not applying himself in school.
Dr. B – So, video games don’t cause coasting?
Parent A – Maybe enables it, but doesn’t cause it. At least not with my son.
Dr. B – That’s an important finding, but …
Parent A – (overlapping) It hasn’t made a difference in his effort in school.
Dr. B – So, where does he give his best effort?
Parent A – Video games.
Dr. B – Ha. Yeah.
Parent A – And on the soccer field.
Dr. B – That’s interesting. So, his coasting is only in certain areas, like school. What is your best guess at why he coasts in school?
Parent A – He says he is doing well enough, but he would never say that about video gaming or soccer. He’s always striving to improve with those.
Dr. B – What do you think is going on?
Parent A – He says he just doesn’t care about school. But he used to love school. So, not caring sounds like an excuse.
Dr. B – What is his excuse protecting him from?
Parent A – Well, my guess is he doesn’t want to give his full effort and still come up short.
Dr. B – Is that what he has told you?
Parent A – Actually, that is a guess based on my attitude at that age. Avoid comparisons that can make you look bad.
Dr. B – Avoiding humiliation ranks right up there for middle school aged boys.
Parent A – Not sure avoiding humiliation has an age limit on it.
Dr. B – You are probably right. I’ve seen plenty of middle-aged-middle schoolers still guarding against humiliation.
Parent A – What do you suggest I do with this great hypothesis?
Dr. B – What hypothesis is this?
Parent A – That my son’s effort is inversely related to the threat of humiliation.
Dr. B – That does sound elegant.
Parent A – Thank you, but how do I translate it into greater effort in school? And don’t just give me that tired old motivation formula of yours.
Motivation = (I want) x (I can)
Dr. B – According to your hypothesis, the risk of humiliation discourages motivation or effort. How is this for a formula?
Motivation/Humiliation = Effort
Parent A – Great, but where do we intervene?
Dr. B – Good question. I guess you could increase the wanting or the belief that he can.
Parent A – Or decrease the threat of humiliation.
Dr. B – That would be ideal. How do those factors work with video games and soccer?
Parent A – I think with video games, he really enjoys mastering the levels and getting better. And he can try, fail, learn, and play again, all in the privacy of his room. He’s taken the threat of humiliation out of the picture – at least when it comes to public humiliation.
Dr. B – That sounds good. How about the soccer?
Parent A – He enjoys being part of the team. Loves the game.
Dr. B – And the humiliation of losing?
Parent A – He’s got a great coach who inspires him.
Dr. B – Inspires in what way?
Parent A – He has high expectations for my son. He turns mistakes into learning opportunities. And my son adores him and doesn’t want to disappoint him.
Dr. B – So, effort is valued over goals?
Parent A – Effort to improve is the primary goal.
Dr. B – I need to meet this guy.
Parent A – So, how does this help with school?
Dr. B – I like your analysis of soccer and video games. But you need to see what your son thinks of it.
Parent A – And if by some chance he does?
Dr. B – Then you and your son go to school and find a charismatic teacher or a class where the threat of humiliation is manageable. Or both.
Parent A – Well, that should be easy.
Dr. B – Oh, and you might want to find a better word to use than humiliation.
Parent A – Now you tell me.
