Dr. B – What became of your humiliation hypothesis? Did you and your son discuss it?
Parent A – Yes. The first attempt didn’t go well. He denied that he avoided humiliation.
Dr. B – You mean “being made to feel bad”?
Parent A – I started with that and he said, “Dad, why are you avoiding the word humiliation?”
Dr. B – Was he willing to talk about it?
Parent A – Surprisingly, he quit being defensive, and we had a pretty good discussion.
Dr. B – What did you two figure out?
Parent A – Actually, we had better luck talking about the positives – what worked well with soccer and video games.
Dr. B – Wise move.
Parent A – Eventually, that led to a conclusion that freedom from judgment and comparisons made gaming so much better than school.
Dr. B – I thought gaming was all about competition – winning and losing – and therefore comparisons.
Parent A – I said the very same thing to him. He said, with gaming, everyone loses while they are getting better. No one cares. They just play the game over.
Dr. B – And what about the charismatic coach factor we discussed?
Parent A – He perked up when I said, “You just need to find a teacher like coach Barnes”.
Dr. B – And that led you to what?
Parent A – I suggested we go talk to his math and English teachers.
Dr. B – About what?
Parent A – About what he liked and didn’t like about their classes.
Dr. B – How did that go?
Parent A – They were good sports about it.
Dr. B – Did you bring up the subject of effort?
Parent A – First, I asked how they thought he was doing.
Dr. B – Did their assessment match his “I’m doing just fine”?
Parent A – “Just fine” was the operative phrase. I think it meant something different to them than to my son.
Dr. B – And you asked what “just fine” meant?
Parent A – Absolutely. I wasn’t going to let an opportunity like that pass.
Dr. B – And what did you all conclude?
Parent A – Both teachers said he was doing fine, but wasn’t giving his full or best effort.
Dr. B – And your son’s response?
Parent A – He slunk down in his chair as if we wouldn’t notice he was still there.
Dr. B – Ha. Yeah. Did you reach any new understandings?
Parent A – Well I did. I was unaware that the opportunity for avoiding humiliation was available, if he chose to use it.
Dr. B – What do you mean?
Parent A – The math teacher said that he was welcome to come see him after an exam, they could go over what he missed, and after focusing on those areas of improvement, he was free to retake a test for a better grade.
Dr. B – Do you think your son will do it?
Parent A – I’m hopeful. I certainly feel like I can ask about it if the coasting continues.
Dr. B – And the English teacher?
Parent A – Get this. This guy had a sure-fire system for success and my son acted like he had never heard of it.
Dr. B – I can tell you are excited.
Parent A – Actually I am. I wish I had something like it in school. This teacher has a whole rubric for what characteristics an essay contains to warrant an A, B, C, D, or F.
Dr. B – You mean like a paint by number essay writing rubric?
Parent A – And get this. He lets the kids have as many rewrites as they care to do.
Dr. B – This teacher needs to get a life.
Parent A – I asked some other parents. They all want their kids in his class. They say their kids go in kicking and screaming because he’s the toughest grader in the school but come out saying he was the best teacher they ever had.
Dr. B – That’s high praise. How did your son respond?
Parent A – The teacher pulled out is last essay. There were more teacher comments than original text.
Dr. B – This guy needs a raise.
Parent A – No kidding. When I read the comments, they clearly explained the problems, linked them to the rubric, and did everything but put the ball on the tee for his next shot (at it).
Dr. B – What effect did this have on your son?
Parent A – I don’t know, yet. But I’m certainly more aware of what opportunities he has and is not taking advantage of.
Dr. B – Do you think either of these teachers could play more of a role of charismatic adult for him?
Parent A – That’s a good question. I let both of them know that they could expect much more out of him.
Dr. B – Ha. What did your son think of that?
Parent A – I’m not sure. I think part of him was annoyed that I had meddled, but another part of him appreciated the fact that we all knew he had more ability that he wasn’t showing.
Dr. B – So, what is your final conclusion about video gaming. Does it interfere with school?
Parent A – I suspect it makes coasting easier.
Dr. B – As in, “out of sight, out of mind”?
Parent A – Maybe doesn’t cause it, but certainly enables it. But so does YouTube, texting, building robots, or playing the guitar.
Dr. B – In other words, “all things more fun than doing homework”
Parent A – Yep.
