If you expect your kids to follow your rules, then they deserve to know why the rules exist. You can’t get to that explanation until you listen to them. If they feel your rules are unfair, then explain what it would take for those rules to change. Invariably, rules change as kids take more responsibility for managing their own behavior.
They don’t get a driver’s license simply because they turned sixteen. They get it because they passed driver’s education, logged enough hours behind the wheel, and passed the state’s driver’s test. In other words, they were ready for a rule change by virtue of earning it.
Here’s an example of a potential rule renegotiation:
Child: All of my friends have a later curfew than I do. I don’t think that’s fair.
Parent: Do you know why you have a curfew?
Child: So you know I’m home safe in bed at a reasonable hour so you and Dad don’t freak out.
Parent: I guess that works. So, what can you do so that Dad and I are not awake worrying about you?
Child: I could text you every hour to let you know where I am and who I’m with?
Parent: That sounds good. If you do your texting plan and get home on time for the next two weeks, we can add an extra half hour.
Child: An hour.
Parent: If the plan works for a month, then I’m ok with adding an hour.
Child: Mom, you’re a tough negotiator.
Parent: You get what you earn.
