Communication begins with the parent mirroring the sounds and gestures of the infant. Quickly the baby learns that her actions can have an effect on her caregiver, causing her to come when needed, and respond when asked – well before any words are learned. An attuned parent learns to interpret their child’s moods, gestures, and nonverbal requests. This parent puts words to these actions, promoting the early development of language.
Parents can promote communication by asking children to explain what they want and then help them to get it. Consequently curiosity and the desire for mastery fuel the need to learn to communicate. Parents honor a child’s needs, wishes, and interests by asking “why” and asking for elaboration. Ultimately a dialogue that asks the child to problem-solve is a process that promotes self-efficacy and effective communication. Genuine curiosity about a child’s interests or difficulties can lead to discussions that result in greater understanding and better solutions to problems. When a child feels genuinely listened to, s/he is prepared to do that in return. Becoming a good listener is crucial to intimate, satisfying relationships.
Children learn to reason and self-regulate through parent–child dialogues. The problem solving communication the parent promotes by listening and inquiry ultimately promotes an ability of the older child to learn to engage in an internal dialogue of self-reflection or analysis of problems. Effective communication of thoughts and feelings is essential to the development and maintenance of healthy relationships. Emotions power the desire to communicate in more complex ways. Good communication is essential to leadership as well as saying “no” effectively at critical times. In early adolescence, the child’s language becomes more reflective and abstract. Some kids may be quiet but express themselves well in writing. Learning the art of arguing (vs. fighting) is an effective form of communication that promotes reasoning and logic. Kids who learn to argue or debate within the family are more effective expressing their thoughts and feelings with peers as they enter adolescence.
