Parent: My kids are always fighting.
Dr. B: Arguing or fighting?
Parent: What’s the difference?
Dr. B: Well, let’s see. When it ends with somebody crying, it was probably fighting.
Parent: And?
Dr. B: And if you hear, “is so, is not”, that’s probably arguing.
Parent: Tomato. Tomato. How do I stop all the arguing?
Dr. B: We want our kids to grow up to be good arguers.
Parent: We do?
Dr. B: Sure. You don’t want somebody convincing your kid to do something stupid.
Parent: Or against their will.
Dr. B: Exactly.
Parent: But the noise. It sure sounds like fighting to me.
Dr. B: Well, you could probably coach them on how to be better arguers.
Parent: Are you serious? I don’t think they need any help knowing how to argue.
Dr. B: Why do you suppose it gets so loud?
Parent: Because they are angry, I suppose.
Dr. B: What makes them angry?
Parent: Someone asking too many questions?
Dr. B: Or somebody being a smart-ass?
Parent: Now, is this the start of an argument or a fight?
Dr. B: You tell me.
Parent: (more loudly) You didn’t answer my question.
Dr. B: Why did you just raise your voice?
Parent: Because you are frustrating and you didn’t answer my question.
Dr. B: So, it gets louder when someone doesn’t feel listened to or understood?
Parent: Exactly. Did you just frustrate me on purpose to make that point?
Dr. B: No, I’m always like that.
Parent: So how do I teach my kids to not be so loud?
Dr. B: Show them what I just showed you. That people often raise their voices when they don’t feel listened to or understood.
Parent: Sounds too wordy.
Dr. B: I’m sure you can dumb it down for them.
Parent: I hope you are kidding.
Dr. B: See, now that’s how fights start.
