Have you ever poured cement? No worries.
You know there is a narrow window of time from pouring to setting. During that time, you can smooth out the rough spots. The next day? Not so much. What you see is what you’ve got.
We don’t know exactly how our brains process events and make memories, but we do know enough not to let our kids do all their own masonry.
Experience (and science) tells us that our perceptions of events don’t necessarily map onto what others took away from the same interactions. Don’t believe me? Just ask your spouse who was to blame for your last argument.
We also know that when we sleep, events of the day are laid down in our memory for more permanent storage. There are lots of opportunities along the way for events of the day to be misperceived and filed away in all the wrong places.
Here’s an example of a Bedtime Debriefing:
Parent: Mom told me something happened at school today.
Child: I hate Dana.
Parent: I thought Dana was your best friend.
Child: Was (my best friend).
Parent: What happened?
Child: Dana picked Sam instead of me today. Dana always picks me first.
Parent: I’ll bet that hurt your feelings.
Child: “Yeah. We always play on the same team.”
Parent: Did you ask Dana why?
Child: Seriously?
Parent: What did you do?
Child: I tripped Dana on the way into class (after recess).
Parent: How’d that feel?
Child: Good. Because I was mad.
Parent: You and Dana are always together. What made today different?
Child: Maybe Dana decided to make Sam her best friend.
Parent: Here’s my phone. Call Dana right now and ask her why she picked Sam instead of you.
Child: You can’t be serious.
Parent: Do you want to go to sleep thinking your best friend doesn’t like you anymore?
Bzzzzz (child calling)
Child: Dana. It’s me. Why did you pick Sam instead of me?
(long pause)
Child: Oh …. Oh ….
(long pause)
Child: I’m sorry I tripped you.
(child hangs up)
Parent: What did Dana say?
Child: She said Sam was sad because her grandma died and she needed to be cheered up.
Fortunately, our parent inspected the job site before the cement dried.
