Does your child ever have one of those temper tantrum meltdowns, where the anger escalates, while the listening evaporates? Here’s a useful strategy for picking up the pieces and salvaging things.
Create a post-fight process your child will come to trust. After they have slammed enough doors en route to their room, while using your name in vain, and finally cooled down, they need to know that things don’t need to end with, “Because I said so” and “I hate you”. Your child needs to trust that they can sit down and write you a letter explaining why you are so wrong, so unfair, so uncaring, so unfeeling, and the absolute worst parent on the block; and trust that you will read that letter carefully.
Fights need follow up. People shouldn’t be left feeling wronged, misunderstood, or silenced.
My letters usually arrived via a hard thrown folded airplane, usually within the hour. Read the letter carefully. Read it more than once. Try to understand your child’s explanation of how they were feeling and why they did what they did.
When you go talk to your child, start by letting them know that you understand their feelings and reasoning. You don’t have to agree with them, but showing understanding and empathy usually calms them down and allows for the start of a valuable two-way discussion.
