Dr. B: Are you an authoritarian or authoritative parent?
Parent: What’s the difference?
Dr. B: All the difference in the world.
Parent: Oh. Oh. What have I done wrong now?
Dr. B: Don’t get defensive. Besides, this is confidential. No one else is listening.
Parent: Well, that’s a relief.
Dr. B: Are you a, “Because I said so” kind of parent?
Parent: Sometimes. Especially when I’m frustrated with dawdling or backtalk.
Dr. B: You don’t like backtalk?
Parent: Who does?
Dr. B: What bothers you about it?
Parent: Well, to begin with, it’s disrespectful. No kid should be able to talk back to their parent.
Dr. B: So. Shouldn’t talk back to parents or teachers or police officers?
Parent: Heavens, no!
Dr. B: How about bullies or abusive roommates?
Parent: Well, I certainly teach my kids how to handle themselves in a fight.
Dr. B: How do they know when they have a right to speak up?
Parent: They need to respect their elders.
Dr. B: What if their elders are wrong or abusive?
Parent: What are you getting at?
Dr. B: If you want your kids to be able to take care of themselves, they need to know they are entitled to be heard and respected.
Parent: Well, yeah.
Dr. B: So if you make a rule they think is unfair, are they allowed to say something about it?
Parent: I try to be fair with my rules.
Dr. B: But what does it take to change a rule?
Parent: When I think they are old enough.
Dr. B: What if they think they are old enough?
Parent: I’m clear with my rules. For example, I tell them, you can’t use that tool until you are 14.
Dr. B: What if your kid wants to show you they are responsible enough to handle the tool, but they are still 13?
Parent: I tell them, “It’s only a year away. Be patient”.
Dr. B: What if they turn 14, but are not responsible enough to handle it?
Parent: What’s your point? This is getting old in a hurry.
Dr. B: An authoritative parent sets rules that are necessary for safety, and explains why the rules are necessary.
Parent: And?
Dr. B: And is willing to change the rule when the child shows they are responsible enough for a change to be made.
Parent: So, you’re saying that I’m authoritarian parent? As in dictator?
Dr. B: A benevolent dictator, for sure.
Parent: I haven’t got another minute.
Dr. B:Didn’t think so.
