Parent: Are women just naturally better parents?
Dr. B: Why do you ask?
Parent: Well, my wife always seems to know what’s wrong or how to do something better than I do.
Dr. B: Give me an example.
Parent: When our baby cried, she always seemed to know what was wrong and what to do.
Dr. B: You think she could do that just by instinct?
Parent: It sure seemed that way.
Dr. B: Well, if your baby was crying, maybe your wife knew when the baby had last eaten or been changed?
Parent: That would narrow the options, wouldn’t it?
Dr. B: Yep.
Parent: So she didn’t know what our baby needed by the sound of the cry?
Dr. B: I could never do that. Parenting is a set of learned skills.
Parent: Not just plug and play, straight out of the box?
Dr. B: No, just a lot of hard work and on the job learning.
Parent: So I shouldn’t assume she is just naturally better at parenting than I am?
Dr. B: Well, that’s a useful strategy if you want to get out of certain responsibilities.
Parent: I’ve noticed our parenting styles are quite different.
Dr. B: That’s not unusual.
Parent: I tend to be more playful with the kids and my wife tends to focus on all the nitty gritty stuff. Is that okay?
Dr. B: Ha. You’ll have to ask her that question.
Parent: So, is one style better than another?
Dr. B: There are three forms of parenting.
Parent: Like authoritative vs authoritarian?
Dr. B: No. That was a different You Tube Minute.
Parent: Oh yeah, I remember doing that one.
Dr. B: Stay in character. There are three forms of parenting. The first is direct or “hands on” parenting. Like feeding your child or wiping his runny nose. Then there’s …
Parent: Indirect parenting?
Dr. B: Yes. Do you know what that is?
Parent: Not a clue.
Dr. B: This is the parenting that goes on when the child is not around.
Parent: Huh?
Dr. B: It is the tracking of where the child is, who they are with, have they eaten, is it time for their nap, are we up to date on vaccinations, what time do they need to be picked up, …
Parent: I get the picture. All the things my wife does that I am clueless about?
Dr. B: You don’t have to be clueless.
Parent: So, is my child play just that, but not really parenting?
Dr. B: Actually, play is the third form of parenting. And it is important as well.
Parent: As long as my kids are fed and vaccinated.
Dr. B: Yeah.
Parent: So how is play important?
Dr. B: It’s where kids learn how to interact with others, regulate their emotions, and communicate their needs.
Parent: Like when they say, “uncle” I know it is time to stop tickling them?
Dr. B: Great example.
Parent: And when my child kills me in her make-believe story?
Dr. B: Where else can she have someone unconditionally allow her to be a heartless villain?
Parent: Hmmm.
Dr. B: And where else can she learn the effects of her villainy?
Parent: Like when I writhe in agony and plead for mercy?
Dr. B: I’ll bet you really ham it up, don’t you?
Parent: Just trying to be a good parent.
