Parent: I’m not sure I like this ‘rules are negotiable’ plan of yours.
Dr. B: How do you mean?
Parent: Well, with my daughter, it’s kind of “give her an inch, she’ll take a mile”.
Dr. B: So, you aren’t happy with the mileage she’s getting?
Parent: Right after we discussed bedtime, she launched right in on cell phones and social media.
Dr. B: What were you arguing about?
Parent: She thinks she deserves a cell phone. She says all her friends have them.
Dr. B: And your rules are what?
Parent: No cell phone until she’s high school age. No computer on school nights unless it is for school work.
Dr. B: So how does she stay in touch with her friends?
Parent: She sees them in school.
Dr. B: Why no cell phone? or computer?
Parent: I don’t want it interfering with her schoolwork.
Dr. B: How’s she doing in school?
Parent: Straight A’s.
Dr. B: Wow. Good for her.
Parent: So if I give in, the grades will go and …
Dr. B: How do you know the grades will decline? You think her good grades are because she doesn’t have a cell phone?
Parent: Don’t change a winning game.
Dr. B: Does she think this is a winning game plan?
Parent: No.
Dr. B: If she is getting straight A’s, she must be pretty self-disciplined.
Parent: What do you mean?
Dr. B: Well, I prefer to set rules based on kids’ developmental levels rather than their chronological age.
Parent: Huh?
Dr. B: Not all kids are ready to drive, just because they are sixteen.
Parent: That’s for sure.
Dr. B: Why not have a discussion with your daughter about what you are worried about and let her give you a plan for how she will take care of those concerns.
Parent: And if it doesn’t work?
Dr. B: Then you dial back the privileges until she proves she’s responsible enough to have them.
Parent: You think I should let her have a cell phone?
Dr. B: Let her prove she is responsible enough to have one.*
Parent: Do you ever give yes or no answers?
Dr. B: It depends.
* (It doesn’t have to be the latest model with all the apps)
