Parent A – What did you mean by, “Talk early, talk often”?
Dr. B – Kid’s brains are undeveloped. So, there are many things they cannot manage or understand without the help of an adult.
Parent A – Isn’t an important part of development, learning to handle things themselves?
Dr. B – Resilience, grit and self-reliance are certainly attributes we want kids to develop.
Parent A – But?
Dr. B – We don’t want kids to be overwhelmed and feel helpless.
Parent A – Oh, I remember studying about ‘learned helplessness’. When the dog expected to get shocked and just gave up.
Dr. B – The dog in that experiment didn’t have the opportunity to talk about his situation.
Parent A – And find a solution.
Dr. B – Exactly. By talking to a parent (or adult), the child can learn to problem solve.
Parent A – So, the child is not left feeling hopeless about finding a solution to a problem?
Dr. B – Or, that no matter how bad he or she feels right now, that feeling won’t last forever. That things will get better.
Parent A – That’s a good mindset to have, because when you are feeling depressed, it’s easy to feel hopeless about things ever changing.
Dr. B – That’s right. When a kid gets to adolescence, those feelings can be even more intense and harder to escape.
Parent A – So, these talks are helping kids arm themselves for the struggles of adolescence?
Dr. B – Adolescence can be very challenging if kids haven’t acquired important skills such as emotional competence and logical thinking.
Parent A – Doesn’t a positive sense of self-esteem buffer them from those helpless, hopeless funks?
Dr. B – Absolutely. But self-esteem comes from feeling competent in areas such as logical thinking and problem solving, emotional intelligence, effective communication, …
Parent A – I think I get what you are saying. The parent-child talking serves as the foundation for eventually learning to think and act for themselves.
Dr. B – Yep. Nature has to take its course for the brain to be able to think about consequences for actions and solutions to problems.
Parent A – But there is lots of Nurture that needs to accompany the Nature?
Dr. B – Exactly. There are plenty of adults who are poor problem solvers, give up easily when faced with frustration, or think the possibility for change doesn’t exist.
Parent A – My kids can come home from school with some pretty screwy ideas.
Dr. B – And their brains aren’t equipped to examine some of those screwy ideas.
Parent A – Speaking of screwy ideas, what do you think of social media?
Dr. B – I think you’ve answered your own question.
Parent A – That young developing brains are not equipped to handle all that cr…
Dr. B – (overlapping) Yes. Especially when they start to feel inadequate compared to what they see or hear.
Parent A – So, should I limit their use of the internet and social media?
Dr. B – Would you let your kid walk anywhere in town … unsupervised?
Parent A – Absolutely not. But the world is a changed place from when we were kids. It’s almost like kids are forced to grow up faster, even if their brains aren’t ready to handle what’s coming their way.
Dr. B – You are absolutely right. Start talking and keep talking.
Parent A – And?
Dr. B – Make it safe for them to talk.
