Parent A: What are your thoughts on video games?
Dr. B: In what regard?
Parent A: Should I let my kids play them? And if so, which ones and how much?
Dr. B: Wow. That’s quite an ask. Can we narrow your request a little?
Parent A: Yeah. How do I keep my kid from becoming addicted to video games?
Dr. B: Well, that narrowed it nicely. Let’s start with the end in mind.
Parent A: The end?
Dr. B: Late adolescence or when your child needs to be self-regulating their behavior without you around to prompt them.
Parent A: Like freshman year of college or living on their own?
Dr. B: You want them to be self-limiting their video gaming time, so they are fully engaged in school, social life, and job.
Parent A: Ok. So, my kids are in grade school. Where are you going with this?
Dr. B: We may wish to keep them free of video games altogether, but when they are on their own, they will need to … .
Parent A: (overlapping) know how to self-limit.
Dr. B: Exactly.
Parent A: So, I need to limit my eight-year-old to one hour of video games and one beer a night?
Dr. B: Ha. During childhood you want to teach them how to self-regulate and how to make good choices.
Parent A: How do I know what limits to set at what age?
Dr. B: Let’s take a broader look and then get to specifics.
Parent A: As long as we do get to specifics.
Dr. B: What specifically scares you about video games?
Parent A: That gaming will be like an addiction.
Dr. B: When your son goes off to college …
Parent A: (overlapping) He’ll flunk out of college because he won’t stop gaming and …
Dr. B: … (overlapping) go to class and do his homework …
Parent A: (overlapping) or shower or eat something better than Mountain Dew and Snickers.
Dr. B: I get the picture. And how would he end up in that state?
Parent A: Because he was addicted to gaming.
Dr. B: Like an alcoholic?
Parent A: Yeah.
Dr. B: And how do adults become alcoholics?
Parent A: I imagine most of them start out using alcohol to make socializing more fun or comfortable. Maybe to relieve personal stress.
Dr. B: So, two good strategies for kids to learn before reaching adolescence would be how to feel more confident and comfortable when socializing and how to manage stress without relying on external solutions like alcohol or drugs.
Parent A: Or video games. Do you think kids use video games just like alcohol?
Dr. B: That’s a very broad generalization. I think some kids may prefer to be immersed in video games instead of facing frustrating challenges in their lives.
Parent A: In a gaming world that they can more easily control?
Dr. B: Or reboot until they get it right.
Parent A: And some of those kids do get addicted to gaming?
Dr. B: Certain kids are more vulnerable. Certain games are designed to be more addicting.
Parent A: So, what are the specifics for keeping my kids from wasting their lives?
Dr. B: Some people may use gaming to avoid parts of their lives that are stressful.
Parent A: Wasting lives or wasting time. Potato; potato.
Dr. B: We want them to learn to soothe themselves.
Parent A: You mean socially?
Dr. B: Socially and when they are alone.
Parent A: I hate it when my kid says, “I’m bored”, and expects me to entertain him.
Dr. B: That’s another Important piece. Kids learning to entertain themselves.
Parent A: Without relying on something like gaming or YouTube to relieve their boredom?
Dr. B: Soothing, entertaining, direction. We want that to become an internal process. Less dependent on external solutions.
Parent A: How do I encourage that?
Dr. B: Kids are curious by nature. Support their interests.
Parent A: Keep buying them Legos?
Dr. B: If that’s what he or she is passionate about.
Parent A: That’s not very specific.
Dr. B: OK. We’ll use your example of the Legos and your son. Get down on the floor and be genuinely curious about what he’s building. Create a space where his projects can be continuously worked on.
Parent A: You mean don’t get obsessed with cleanliness or Legos underfoot.
Dr. B: He can learn those skills in the context of managing his projects in the space provided.
Parent A: This is your old theme of “Join ‘em in their world”, isn’t it.
Dr. B: Yep.
Parent A: Back to specifics. You were on a roll for once.
Dr. B: Ask questions that encourage elaboration or new ideas.
Parent A: How do I do that?
Dr. B: Ask him how something works. How did he figure something out. What is he planning to do next. What would he like his constructions to do.
Parent A: Sounds like you are also encouraging creativity instead of just following directions.
Dr. B: Absolutely. A game I like to play that does just that is to take some object(s) and try to think of all the different uses it could have.
Parent A: Like my worthless old Calculus book?
Dr. B: Door stop. Paper weight. Drink coaster.
Parent A: Endless supply of Origami paper. Paper airplane material. Compost material.
Dr. B: You’ve got the idea. A fun way to look at things differently. Using your imagination.
Parent A: So, the first strategy for video game prevention is to fill them up with alternative interests early in life.
Dr. B: Ha. That’s one way to frame it. I prefer to call it promoting internal capacities for soothing, entertainment, and direction.
Parent B: Instead of relying on external forms of entertainment?
Dr. B: Keep their curiosity alive. Value and support their unique interests and talents.
Parent A: Take the Lego’s; leave the game controller?
Dr. B: Ha. Offer them opportunities they won’t want to refuse.
