Dr. B – How’s the father-son golf connection?
Parent A – Golfing has been fun. My son is already better than I am.
Dr. B – It pays to learn a sport the right way from the start.
Parent A – Instead of paying to unlearn and relearn all my self-taught strokes?
Dr. B – Exactly. And your son is still passionate about golf?
Parent A – Yeah. It may even be interfering with his video gaming.
Dr. B – Ha. Good.
Parent A – If you say so. But nothing has moved the dial on school.
Dr. B – You’re impatient?
Parent A – Well beyond impatient.
Dr. B – Do you think it shows?
Parent A – It must. My son will say something every once in a while, like, “Not everyone needs to go to Harvard, Dad”. Just out of the blue. So, I’m obviously leaking, even if I’m trying to hold it back.
Dr. B – Your son reads you like a book.
Parent A – If only he cracked a real book.
Dr. B – I can tell that this watchful waiting method isn’t working.
Parent A – I have to admit, I’m appreciating how much effort and analysis my son is putting into golf (pause) and gaming.
Dr. B – It’s good you are recognizing that.
Parent A – But I’m just really impatient to see the leap to more practical pursuits, like school.
Dr. B – It sounds like you are itching to talk more directly about school, despite the land mines.
Parent A – I don’t know whether it is for his benefit or mine to unload all my worrying.
Dr. B – That’s an interesting observation. I don’t think you are going to do anything bad by talking about school.
Parent A – How do I go about it without him being defensive or me being a real d …
Dr. B – (overlapping) … pushy and insensitive?
Parent A – Yeah. That too.
Dr. B – I’ve heard you complement his effort with golf. He obviously works to improve his gaming skills. I’d start with those observations.
Parent A – What do you mean?
Dr. B – Do you think you can genuinely admire his efforts in those two areas?
Parent A – With the golf? Absolutely.
Dr. B – Just be curious about where that effort comes from. How does he overcome setbacks? Why is he not discouraged by losses or bad shots?
Parent A – Then I can bring up school?
Dr. B – You can ask him about the difference in effort between school and the sports. Or you can comment on the fact that he applies similar skills to improve in each of those sports.
Parent A – You know. You are right. He won’t read a book, but he’ll spend hours reading about his gaming.
Dr. B – And golf is a game of physics, geometry and math.
Parent A – And both sports involve analyzing losses and areas of weakness.
Dr. B – You are on a roll. You may want to stick with those generalizable skills and not talk about school directly.
Parent A – He’ll know what I am up to.
Dr. B – In that case, own up to your worries and their bases.
Parent A – You mean my own history of coasting?
Dr. B – Exactly. Tell him what you did or didn’t do and what you figured out about yourself.
Parent A – He’ll just say, “That’s you Dad, not me”.
Dr. B – That’s okay. The value of your frontal assault method is the labeling of coasting. That alters things for your son.
Parent A – How so?
Dr. B – Instead of the coasting or avoidance happening automatically, without thought, he will now begin to recognize when he is doing it. Or not doing it
Parent A – Ah. A Jedi mind trick?
Dr. B – No. Common sense.
Parent A – I’ll run with that.
