Parent: “Analyze before you act” is an important goal for our kids, right?
Dr. B: Yeah, for all of us.
Parent: Huh?
Dr. B: We are all vulnerable to acting impulsively.
Parent: You mean our old caveman brains?
Dr. B: Yep.
Parent: The act first, think later brain?
Dr. B: Yep.
Parent: So how do I help my child think first and act later?
Dr. B: You mean, analyze before he acts?
Parent: Yeah.
Dr. B: By analyzing after he acts.
Parent: You mean like a post-game analysis?
Dr. B: Ha. Yeah. I guess it is.
Parent: How does this fit with parenting?
Dr. B: You are concerned about him acting without reasoning or problem solving.
Parent: Yeah.
Dr. B: If we reason about what happened, why it happened, and what else could have happened, then we have a better idea how to handle that situation.
Parent: But the situation has already passed.
Dr. B: But those situations come up again.
Parent: So the analysis after the fact is actually a rehearsal for the next time that same thing happens?
Dr. B: When the quarterback watches the game film, he sees that there were other possible passes he could have made.
Parent: So when I talk to my son about his fight on the playground, I can ask him about what else might have worked?
Dr. B: Exactly.
Parent: How does that control impulsivity?
Dr. B: Why do people act impulsively?
Parent: Guess it’s often emotionally driven, like a fight or flight impulse.
Dr. B: Yeah, that would be a cause. Why do we choose fight or flight?
Parent: Fear usually prompts flight, I guess. Anger would lead to fight. Is that what you are getting at?
Dr. B: Yeah. I think that is a good summary. So, anger at someone who has caused you harm?
Parent: Or is threatening harm.
Dr. B: And that assessment is done very quickly.
Parent: Yeah. Like I said. Impulsive.
Dr. B: So our emotional (impulsive) brain makes an assumption about threat and we act on it.
Parent: So, what good is the after the fact analysis?
Dr. B: It gives your brain a chance to make better judgments about threats and responses.
Parent: Oh, so the quarterback quickly remembers that option he missed last week?
Dr. B: Yeah, or your son remembers that the kid threatening him is all talk but not a threat.
Parent: So what do I do about the caveman they’ve got quarterbacking my team?
Dr. B: Isn’t football kind of a cavemen sport? Fighting over territory and grabbing …
Parent: (interrupting) I got it. Did you analyze before saying that?
