Dr. B: Did you know that one negative comment is worth five positive ones?
Parent: What do you mean?
Dr. B: Well, people in general seem to give much more weight to negative comments.
Parent: Five times as much?
Dr. B: That’s what research* shows.
Parent: This something you picked up from Dr. Phil?
Dr. B: No.
Parent: So, what does this 5 to 1 formula have to do with parenting?
Dr. B: In our family we had a rule that when someone said something mean, they were required to say five positive things, before saying anything else.
Parent: I take it these five things have to be genuine.
Dr. B: Yep. When things start turning negative, we just say, “You owe me five” or “you owe your brother five”.
Parent: And the guilty party has to come up with five positives? Doesn’t it just sound fake?
Dr. B: You’d be surprised. When people hear these positives, they just quit being angry.
Parent: And the guilty person?
Dr. B: It seems to calm them too. Plus, they don’t want to have to dig down for five more.
Parent: Sounds more like a game.
Dr. B: Yeah. We often end up laughing.
Parent: Well. I’m just glad I’m not paying you for this advice.
Dr. B: That wasn’t very nice. Give me five.
* Based on the marital research of Dr. John Gottman.
