Dr. B – Have you taught your kids the blame game?
Parent – What’s that?
Dr. B – You know. When something goes wrong, find someone or something to blame.
Parent – I don’t think you need to teach them.
Dr. B – Why do you say that?
Parent – Well I don’t remember teaching my son to blame his sister when stuff goes wrong.
Dr. B – You think we’re all just born with some capacity to blame?
Parent – I think recognizing and avoiding danger is wired in.
Dr. B – Like the caveman escaping a saber tooth tiger?
Parent – The caveman who recognized threats and escaped survived.
Dr. B – You mean, analyzing before acting was not adaptive?
Parent – Not for cavemen.
Dr. B – So blaming is a caveman’s defense?
Parent – Don’t you think blaming is a pretty primitive defense?
Dr. B – Primitive, as in wired in?
Parent – Is my wired in argument under threat?
Dr. B – Go on with your argument. I’m interested.
Parent – Thinking something is our fault is a threat. So our impulse is to blame someone else.
Dr. B – I think you’re right. We are always eager to escape bad feelings.
Parent – So blaming is to escape intolerable feelings? Got an example?
Dr. B – Sure. Here’s one ‘close to home’. If you strike out with the bases loaded, it always helps to blame the umpire.
Parent – Thanks for the memory. What if it really was the umpire’s fault?
Dr. B – Perhaps, but what happens if you leave the game, blaming the umpire for your failure?
Parent – I’m sure you are going to tell me.
Dr. B – You would have less motivation for learning to hit the pitch you missed.
Parent – I’m telling you! It was so outside! You were there!
