Playground Politics – VII – more bullying

Parent: Why the glum face?

Child: Mary Beth said I was ugly.

Parent: Who’s Mary Beth?

Child: She’s the girl who sits across from me at school.

Parent: Why would she say that?

Child: I think she was mad at me.

Parent: Why?

Child: She broke her pencil, so she wanted me to give her mine.

Parent: And you didn’t.

Child: No. Then I wouldn’t have a pencil. I may be ugly, but I’m not dumb.

Parent: Do you think you are ugly?

Child: Well, Mary Beth does. And she’s the prettiest girl in the class.

Parent: Do you like her?

Child: Are you kidding, Mom? She’s a selfish, stuck up, bully.

Parent: So, she’s pretty on the outside and ugly on the inside?

Child: I know I’m not supposed to think that, but yeah … she’s a “You know what”.

Parent: Yeah. Sounds like it. So back to my question; do you think you are ugly?

Child: Well, I never thought so. But when I look at other kids. They all have something I don’t have.

Parent: Like what?

Child: Straighter hair. Smaller nose. Nicer shoes.

Parent: Wow! Life isn’t treating you so well.

Child: That’s supposed to help?

Parent: Sorry. I should be more helpful.

Child: Or less unhelpful.

Parent: All I can say is this. If you compare yourself to others, you are always going to find something you don’t have.

Child: Doesn’t everybody compare themselves with others?

Parent: Yeah. I guess it’s kind of natural to do that.

Child: So here comes Mom’s famous, “But”.

Parent: You know me too well.

Child: But …

Parent: But the most important person to compare yourself to is yourself.

Child: Huh?

Parent: Well, if something is bothering you – figure out what to do about it.

Child: And?

Parent: And just compare yourself with how you were before you started doing something about it.

Child: Like the size of my nose?

Parent: I like your nose.

Child: I don’t understand what you are getting at, Mom.

Parent: Here’s an example. I’ll never beat Serena Williams at tennis, but I can become a better tennis player in a month than I am right now.

Child: So, a month from now I won’t be ugly?

Parent: I can tell this talk was helpful.

Child: Give it a month Mom. You’ll improve.

Author: ahbtest

Dr. Beitel has decades of experience as a therapist, teacher and parent since earning his Ph.D. from the University of Illinois. As a member of the University of Illinois medical school faculty, Dr. Beitel supervises psychiatry residents in training. He is married to "the other Dr. Beitel", a family physician. He and Joyce have two grown children.

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