Parent A – All your strategies for how to talk to kids. They aren’t worth …
Dr. B – (overlapping) … I got it. What’s going on?
Parent A – It’s what’s not going on. He doesn’t do his chores. He doesn’t clean up his room. He waits ‘til the last minute to start his homework.
Dr. B – No chores. No work. Kind of like being on a cruise.
Parent A – Cruising for a bruising.
Dr. B – I’m mandated to report child abuse.
Parent A – This isn’t child abuse. It’s parent abuse. I’ve had it with this kid. He’s just so damn lazy.
Dr. B – Lazy? As in character trait “Lazy”?
Parent A – Yeah. I think he’s just “lazy”.
Dr. B – Like your ne’re do well beer drinking Cub fan, Uncle Bill?
Parent A – Yeah. That’s where he’s headed.
Dr. B – Being a Cub fan is no way to live.
Parent A – I’m serious. I’m worried about him.
Dr. B – Are you worried about him or his laziness?
Parent A – Huh?
Dr. B – Is lazy just who he is or is he being lazy?
Parent A – What’s the difference?
Dr. B – One is about the character of the person. The other is a behavior he’s choosing.
Parent A – As in, “I love you, but I don’t love what you are doing”?
Dr. B – Exactly.
Parent A – Well. In this case, I think he’s lazy and a little less lovable. (pause) And I don’t want a reminder of your motivation equation.
Dr. B – You mean the (I want) x (I can) one?
Parent A – If he CAN do it but doesn’t WANT to, isn’t that lazy?
Dr. B – How do you define “lazy”?
Parent A – Not doing what you need to do. Or when you need to do it?
Dr. B – When did you start your taxes this year?
Parent A – What’s that got to do with anything?
Dr. B – Are you avoiding my question?
Parent A – I started my taxes on April 14th. And, yes, I filed for an extension.
Dr. B – So does that make you lazy?
Parent A – No. I had other stuff I was doing. I just kept putting it off.
Dr. B – You don’t enjoy doing your taxes.
Parent B – Who does?
Dr. B – Nobody likes doing taxes … or homework … or chores.
Parent B – What’s your point?
Dr. B – “Lazy” is a pretty harsh label. Even if you try to keep it to yourself, your son will know you think of him that way.
Parent A – So you ARE going to report me.
Dr. B – Ha. You and every other frustrated parent.
Parent A – Again. What is your point?
Dr. B – I think “avoidant” is a better label for the behavior we are talking about, whether it’s taxes or chores or homework.
Parent A – Ok. So, you are rebranding. What’s the big deal?
Dr. B – You are not a lazy person. You just choose to avoid doing your taxes.
Parent A – So, you’re saying, “It’s the behavior, stupid”, not the person?
Dr. B – Geez. You are incorrigible.
Parent A – There you go. Attacking my character.
