Parent A – We need to talk some more about this coasting problem.
Dr. B – With you or your son?
Parent A – Very funny. With my son.
Dr. B – You said when you were his age, you coasted through school?
Parent A – That doesn’t make it okay.
Dr. B – When did you stop coasting and start pedaling?
Parent A – Not ‘til the end of college.
Dr. B – So academics weren’t your highest priority even in college?
Parent A – They ranked somewhere after girlfriend, sports and job.
Dr. B – So what changed?
Parent A – I did my student teaching and I took that job very seriously.
Dr. B – Why?
Parent A – I was responsible for teaching all those kids. I was very motivated to do my best.
Dr. B – And your coasting went away after that?
Parent A – No, but classes I enjoyed or chose, I worked hard in.
Dr. B – So what have you figured out about coasting?
Parent A – In my life? Responsibility, interest, and enjoyment override coasting.
Dr. B – And why do you think you choose to coast at other times?
Parent A – Hmmm. (pause) I don’t like being told what to do. (pause) I need to see a purpose for what I am doing. (pause) I don’t like being judged and compared with others. (pause) Oh … and I don’t like having to do stuff on somebody else’s schedule.
Dr. B – Is that why you are self-employed?
Parent A – Ha. Yeah. Probably.
Dr. B – You understand a lot about your own coasting history. How about your son?
Parent A – I don’t want to be a “do as I say, not as I did” dad, … but I also don’t want him to waste time like I did.
Dr. B – You said you didn’t want to be judged and compared. I think that’s common in kids. Especially as they’re approaching adolescence.
Parent A – You think that’s why my son spends more time on video games than homework?
Dr. B – Remember the magic formula for motivation?
Parent A – Yeah. Motivation = (I want) x (I can).
Dr. B – So when you were in middle school or high school, how well did the “want” and “can” parts of the equation work for you?
Parent A – Not so well. I think I was often multiplying by zero. (pause) Speaking of zero. We have spent zero time talking about my son and his coasting.
Dr. B – But we learned a lot about your coasting.
Parent A – So I need to do the same with my son?
Dr. B – It’s always good to think more deeply about what we’re doing.
Parent A – Or not doing.
Dr. B – Exactly.
