Dr. B: Have you had a charismatic adult in your life?
Parent: You mean someone like Michelle Obama?
Dr. B: Let me ask you in a different way. Have you had an adult in your life who believed in you even when you doubted yourself?
Parent: Oh, that would have to be my grandfather.
Dr. B: What made him special?
Parent: I spent every weekend with him on the farm as a kid. I used to think my mom just needed a break from me so she sent me to the farm.
Dr. B: What do you mean?
Parent: As a single mom, there wasn’t much time for “let’s get the Legos out”.
Dr. B: She knew you needed time with your grandpa?
Parent: I guess so.
Dr. B: So what did you and Grandpa do?
Parent: Well, I remember following him everywhere while he did his chores.
Dr. B: Did you help him with the chores?
Parent: Sure. If I asked, he’d let me.
Dr. B: He didn’t make you do chores?
Parent: Didn’t have to. I wanted to be just like him. So whatever he did, I wanted to do.
Dr. B: Is that what helped you the most?
Parent: No. It was his genuine interest in me.
Dr. B: Explain.
Parent: Here’s an example. My grandfather could care less about sports, but he knew I loved baseball.
Dr. B: So?
Parent: He took me to the local minor league games. He asked me to explain the game to him. He even learned to play catch.
Dr. B: He joined you in your world.
Parent: Yep. He knew I wanted to be a pitcher, so he built me a regulation pitcher’s mound and home plate in the barn.
Dr. B: He nurtured your talents and interests.
Parent: Yeah.
Dr. B: What else made him special?
Parent: He taught me to never give up.
Dr. B:: What do you mean?
Parent: At my mother’s house, I just kind of coasted in school. I did just enough to get by. I avoided stuff that was too hard or frustrating.
Dr. B: And your grandfather didn’t let you get away with that?
Parent: He knew what I was passionate about, so he knew when I was avoiding something challenging or frustrating.
Dr. B: So what did he do?
Parent: Sometimes it was like he was talking to the air. He’d recall something I’d said and then start talking about “there’s nothing you can’t overcome or figure out”.
Dr. B: So he knew when you were avoiding things?
Parent: For a guy who didn’t go to college, he was a pretty good psychologist.
Dr. B: Sounds like quite a guy.
Parent: Here’s an interesting story. The farm was good for me, but there weren’t any kids nearby to play ball with. So one day I told Grandpa I wished I had a pitching machine like the one I’d seen at the fairgrounds.
Dr. B: Did he buy you one?
Parent: Buy one? Ha. My grandfather always said, “Don’t buy what you can build.”
Dr. B: So he built you one?
Parent: No. I did.
Dr. B: Seriously?
Parent: Yeah. He knew that if I really wanted something, I’d be motivated. And I’d learn a lot in the process.
Dr. B: What did you learn?
Parent: Besides more math and engineering than I ever imagined? He taught me that there’s no such thing as a bad idea.
Dr. B: Huh?
Parent: How else can you start with milking machine parts and plans for a potato gun and end up with an 80mph fastball?
Dr. B: So your grandpa taught you to be a do-it-yourselfer?
Parent: He taught me how to keep at it when things didn’t work and I wanted to give up.
Dr. B: He taught you persistence and resilience?
Parent: That he did.
Dr. B: How did he do that?
Parent: He made it real safe to admit mistakes. He’d say, “Well, let’s figure it out”.
Dr. B: He helped you overcome failures?
Parent: I don’t think ‘failure’ was a word I ever heard my grandfather use. He would have called them challenges and opportunities. You know, to push myself and learn something new.
Dr. B: So Grandpa vaccinated you against failure?
Parent: He believed in me and eventually I believed in myself.
Dr. B: You seem to have done well.
Parent: So, does my grandfather fit your definition of ‘charismatic adult’?
Dr. B: As someone from whom you drew strength? I should say so.
