Delay of gratification, willpower, impulse control, self-control, or internal discipline are terms that describe an ability to wait to be rewarded.
An ability to delay gratification predicts a child’s success in life. It is an important ingredient for gaining competence socially, emotionally and intellectually.
Are you familiar with the classic delay of gratification study conducted by Walter Mischel at Stanford in 1972? The what? The Marshmallow Test, of course. Have you seen the YouTube video of four-year-olds trying to resist eating the marshmallow in front of them? Go to YouTube for a reenactment of the classic study, where four-year-old children are left alone in a room with a marshmallow (or a cookie, or candy) with the promise of a second marshmallow if they do not eat this one before the experimenter returns (in 15 minutes). Only thirty percent of the children were able to wait. Not surprising, is it? I doubt I would have waited at that age.
Mischel discovered that by the end of high school, the kids who were able to wait seemed better adjusted psychologically and were higher achievers, with significantly higher SAT scores (>200 pts higher) and better grades. Those who could not wait more than thirty seconds had trouble paying attention in school, coping with stress, and maintaining friendships. More recently, Angela Lee Duckworth at the University of Pennsylvania offered eighth graders one dollar now or two if they could wait a week. Those who could wait fared much better academically. In fact, this measure of self-control was a better predictor of academic achievement than IQ.
As you might guess, these kids who can delay gratification grow up to be the ones who invest for retirement, wait for the best pitch to hit, and don’t say, “yes” to the first bad idea. They are able to wait to play their video games until after the homework is done.
So, are these delayers born with something special? Are their brains wired differently from birth? Are some kids just naturally more impulsive while others are more cautious and deliberate? You can be sure that the fMRI machines are cranking away in search of these answers. We can also be certain that a search for a genetic linkage will also be part of the next wave of research.
So what does that mean for the rest of us sticky fingered failures? Are we doomed to a second-class future, swinging at everything we are thrown, eating everything we see? Interestingly, Mischel found that he could provide children with techniques for resisting temptation. He said kids who continue to focus on the “hot stimulus” were doomed. But the ones who could distract themselves, were able to resist. Providing kids with techniques for taking their thoughts elsewhere, or transforming the meaning of the situation could be very helpful. In other words, self-control can be taught. Mischel also pointed out that a group of the kids who “failed to wait” grew up to be quite skilled in self-control as adults. Somehow, they found ways to teach themselves the self-regulation that came more naturally to the “delayers”.
Children are temperamentally inclined in one direction or another. At one extreme are the kids who are impulsive and labeled as Attention Deficit, Hyperactive. At the other extreme are the kids who come to be labeled as Obsessive Compulsive. Most kids are somewhere in between. Even though biology or temperament inclines a child in one direction or another, that does not mean they cannot grow in terms of self-control (or spontaneity).
Environments can be structured to help with focus and attention. Children can be taught techniques for self-control and self-soothing. Mischel explained that children can be taught habits of self-control in the family through rituals that force kids to wait on a daily basis, showing them that they can develop that self-control, and having them learn the benefits for that delay. Examples of that are limits such as no television or video games until homework is done, no snacks before dinner, save money for a desired purchase and wait until your birthday for a wished for gift. When children must work within limits (allowance and bedtime for instance) they learn the benefits of self-control and the hazards of impulsivity. (See The Bedtime Ritual in the Parent Toolkit section.)
For a good summary of Mischel’s work and its implications, take a look at an article entitled, Don’t by Johnah Lehrer in the New Yorker Magazine
Don’t Eat The Marshmallow T-shirts have been worn by students at the KIPP Academies. (KIPP stands for Knowledge Is Power Program.) KIPP charter schools, founded by two former Teach For America corps members, focus on impoverished, underserved students providing structure and encouragement, clear expectations that college is attainable, and 60% more time in the classroom. An important focus of this program is character development, meaning self-control and delay of gratification.
The importance of character development is discussed in a NYT article entitled, What if the secret to success is failure? by Paul Tough.
Psychologists Martin Seligman and Chris Peterson wrote a book on the essential components of character development in children (Character Strengths and Virtues).